Rain
by DreamingFadesAway
Summary: "So I talked to the dirt that was no more than that, trying to find some relief for the burning behind my eyes." Short fic about Roy at Hughes' funeral. One-shot with possible Royai sequel.


I bowed my head and closed my eyes as the casket was carried by. The last time my closest friend would be above the earth, and I'm too weak to look at what remains of him. The coffin was lowered down into the hole as gently as possible, but a dull thud could still be heard as the wood hit the earth 6 feet under. Elicia cried out for her Daddy as he disappeared from view forever.

"Why are you burying my papa? No…no! If they do that, Papa won't be able to go to work anymore…Papa said he had lotsa work to do! Papa!" Elicia started to sob. Gracia could hardly hold back her own tears, let alone Elicia's, and their crying rings out in a heartbreaking lament for the lost husband and father.

A man in black spoke. Shots were fired into the air. White roses were placed into the deep hole, and covered with dirt. Finally, people started to leave, going back to their work or to the reception lunch. I walked over to Gracia, who was sobbing on her knees, and tried to find words to comfort her, but none came. Instead, I put a hand on her shoulder, and the look in her eyes told me that she understood what words could not explain.

Eventually Gracia left to go to the lunch; I stayed behind, staring at the grave.

"Promoted two ranks higher in death… Major General Hughes, huh…" I talked to the lifeless stone for a long while. I didn't even know what I was saying but I can't stop talking or the tears might fall. I'm the flame alchemist, a man of fire, and any falling water is a weakness to me. To have my one weakness showing, flowing from my own eyes - I wouldn't be able to look at my own reflection for days. So I talked to the dirt that was no more than that, trying to find some relief for the burning behind my eyes.

I hear steps behind me, falling softly on the grass. They're light and slightly wobbly, making me aware that it's a woman coming towards the grave. A breeze stirs the air, and I smell faint lavender and even fainter gun oil, a scent that could only belong to my closest and most important subordinate, Lieutenant Hawkeye. I breathe in the familiar smell deeply, and smoothly exhale to calm myself down. It wouldn't do for anyone to see me like this, with my face contorted with grief.

"Aren't you cold, sir, with all this wind? Maybe you should think about heading back?" she says in a softer voice than I'm used to hearing. It surprises me to hear the normally cool voice filled with sadness, concern, and… pity? No, not pity. Empathy. She knows how hard it is to say goodbye to someone so close, after her mother's father's deaths, and must've stayed behind, probably freezing in the formal skirt, waiting for me to finish grieving and making sure that I don't do anything stupid.

Tears form at the corners of my eyes. I shouldn't have such person in my life, one who would do anything to see me succeed. _She's too good for me,_ the voice in my head says, _and how the hell can she be standing there staring at me while tears form in my traitorous eyes, knowing how I feel about them?_ No, I decide, she shouldn't feel such a strong connection to me. It's almost like love. Not romantic love, not that at all, but the love between two people who know each other more than they know themselves.

"In a minute," I respond, and take a deep breath to steady my voice.

"What despicable creatures we alchemists are, Lieutenant." _Still so formal, after all these years_, I think to myself. I've almost never called her Riza, even when I studied under her father, even when she gave me her father's research. It's almost pathetic, that I feel the need to distance myself in that way. Thinking of her as just my Lieutenant is less personal, less painful than thinking that this is Riza Hawkeye, the woman that I've known for so long. I need the distance, because love is something that is best to live without.

"Right now…there's a part of me that's trying to figure out the details of transmuting human beings." _Please, see how despicable I truly am, and leave me alone. Please._ Please.

But I crave more of her sympathy, more of her strange kind of love for me, and can't help bringing my weak emotions into the mostly one-sided conversation.

"Now I think I can understand why those two kids wanted to bring their mother back."

She doesn't get it, doesn't turn away. She just asks if I'm alright. I'm not. The idea that I might be is almost laughable, but I'm so close to crying that any show of emotion, even laughter, would break the damn holding back my tears. I close my eyes while I respond that I'm fine, and a single tear slips out. _No_, I think. _I cannot cry. Cover it up, you can't be seen crying… _

"Looks like… it's starting to rain."

"But… it's not raining…" _Your voice is so quiet, Lieutenant, so sensitive. Why can't you just say 'damn it Roy, it's not raining, you're a weak, _worthless _human being with _pathetic, human_ emotions!' Emotions are weak. When I told you to follow me, I meant that you need to tell me the truth. _

"Yes, it is," I say, as another tear rolls down my cheek. _Contradict me, I dare you._

"… yes, sir."

"Let's get back. It's getting cold out here." I start to walk away, my Lieutenant following barely a moment later.

As I walk out of the cemetery, despite knowing that no one would be able to hear me, I whisper a final goodbye.

And there you have it. I'm not sure if this is chapter 1, or if it's a one-shot, or if I'll add a sequel later… I've sort of got an idea for one. Although, if you know me, you know that it takes forever for me to post anything, so no guarantees! Thanks for reading, and remember, reviews are awesome!


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